Unnofficial Soul Reaver 3
by MortalSora
Summary: Chapter 3 up! A weird plot twist is introduced and Kain reveals where he got his fashion sense from!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own LoK but I kinda own the feeble Unofficial Soul Reaver 3 plot (and it's purposely feeble...and stupid)  
  
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Prologue: "The Quest to see if Janos is a Chicken Begins"  
Raziel could remember it all like it was just yesterday. As the two reavers met, the reavers stabbed Raziel and almost killed him, really putting a cramp on an otherwise fine day. And then Kain laughed at Raziel and yanked the reaver out, causing Raziel various pains and a stomach cramp, despite not having a stomach. Then Raziel heard some gobbledegook about Hylden and burritos, then Raziel switched into Material Realm and saw the damn wraith blade waiting for him. It felt like all this happened just yesterday, despite it happening just a minute ago.  
  
Then Raziel looked at his wraith blade and had a thought. This meant that there was also a little blue Raziel in the wraith blade too! That meant that there were two of him! And this meant that Raziel could finally live out his life-long dream: To kiss himself. You see, Raziel thought he was so good-looking that he wished that there were two of him, so that way he could kiss himself. And now he could!  
  
"Wow, two of me! I'm not sure I can handle all the man-prettiness!" Raziel exclaimed. Raziel then thought aloud, "Wait a minute! I don't have a bottom jaw! Now I can't French kiss myself!"  
  
Now, in Raziel's own words, Raziel was a sad blue vampire. Raziel, having an ego the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro, had always thought that he was the reason the universe was created. Raziel thought he was the prettiest guy alive...er, dead. So he of course thought that a second him would be heaven. He loved himself so much that he'd make out with himself if there were another him. There is, but unfortunately it's in the form of the wraith blade.  
  
"Man, we are so man-pretty! I bet you have my eyes. I can't stay mad at you, look at your face!" Raziel said to the death bringing wraith blade that had no distinguishing looks whatsoever, "You're everything I ever wanted! Let's hug!"  
  
So Raziel made the dumb mistake of hugging the wraith blade. At first, while he was hugging the wraith blade that was burning his bones, he felt nothing but self-love. Then a few seconds later, I little ditty started playing through his head and it went something like this: AHHHHH, GET THIS FREAKIN THING OFF ME, IT'S SCOLDING MY BEAUTIFUL CHESTNUTS!!! Now take into account, he didn't have chestnuts, but if he did, he would've just burnt them off.  
  
Meanwhile, the wraith blade Raziel couldn't help but wonder how he got stuck with this idiot version of him. And he also wandered why he was stuck on Raziel's arm. He wishes he could be on Raziel's foot, but NO, he just had to be on Raziel's arm, the same arm with the 'I Luv My Daddy' tattoo on it. Oh well, at least he wasn't on Raziel's other arm, the one with the 'I Luv Pride and Prejudice' tattoo. Made Raziel look like a total tart!  
  
"AHHHHH, my chestnuts are burnt off!" Raziel screamed at the top of his lungs like a scared little sissy boy. Raziel didn't even take the time to notice that he didn't have chestnuts anyway, "Oh no, my nuts are burnt off! ...wait, that didn't sound right. Oh well, now I just have to get back to the material realm."  
  
So Raziel started wandering around the room, looking for a planar portal while wishing he had a pocket mirror so that he could preen himself, maybe put the front of his hair up like a cowlick and, if he's lucky, find a pair of star-shaped glasses. Raziel really thought those were cool. After long searching, Raziel finally found a portal in the middle of the room, and when he shifted back to the material realm, no one was there.  
  
"Hey, where is everyone. Who am I gonna look man-pretty to other than me?" Raziel said, lifting up the his arm and turning the wraith blade on, "I mean, I'm here with my man-prettiness wasting away. Wait a minute! I've turned my wraith blade on. So the blade really is aroused! Well, if I can arouse myself, I must be uber-man-pretty. I love myself."  
  
The wraith blade Raziel really hated Raziel. Here, the wraith blade Raziel knew he had a job to do, and all Raziel could do was state how man-pretty he is. And now the moron's thought that he had aroused himself. Whenever Raziel said that he aroused the wraith blade, the wraith blade Raziel really wanted to wring Raziel's neck, but he couldn't, being only a wraith blade. So the wraith blade Raziel decided to calm himself down by quoting Shakespeare. Really, his idiot form couldn't even understand Shakespeare. Wraith blade Raziel never noticed that he sometimes sounded like a total nerd though.  
  
Raziel himself looked around the room he was in and thought about Janos and the first thing that came to Raziel's mind was: 'Janos has wings. Like a chicken. Hey, does that mean that Janos is part chicken!?' And then the second thing that came to Raziel's mind was: 'If I find the Heart of Darkness, I can use it on Janos and ask if he's related to chicken!! I'm smart and man-pretty! I've got it all!'  
  
"Eureka! I'll go find the Heart of Darkness! Now I can revive Janos! Boy, I sure am smart! I'm smart and Kain's stupid! Hey, where'd Kain go anyway?" Raziel asked himself. Then Raziel started walking up some stairs in to head to the balcony because the Heart of Darkness was probably outside by now.  
  
During this time, the wraith blade Raziel was just glad that Raziel wasn't doing anything stupid. A few seconds later, the wraith blade Raziel knew he thought too soon, because Raziel decided to start skipping on his way to the balcony. The wraith blade Raziel could not figure why Raziel started doing this, and just felt remorse for being stuck with such a retard.  
  
On his way to the balcony, Raziel had a good idea. He would start skipping on his way! If he did that, he could pretend that he was a very man-pretty Little Blue Riding Razzy!! But on his way, a Sarafan guard jumped out in front of him. Now Raziel, forgetting that he was, in fact, Raziel and still thinking he was Little Blue Riding Razzy thought that this guard was, in fact, a wolf in disguise. Raziel now thought the he was the smartest being alied to figure this out. Raziel wasn't sure whether he would be counted as alive or dead, so he combined the word and came up with 'alied'.  
  
"AHA!" Raziel cried out, pointing at the guard, "You thought you could fool me, ay WOLF!! I know who you are! You're gonna try to eat my granny!"  
  
The poor guard was so confused. He was just on his way to get a drink of water when this blue dude popped out asking REALLY stupid questions. The guard now couldn't figure out if this blue dude was retarded or just plain stupid. So the guard just decided to ask him.  
  
"Um, excuse me. Are you retar-" the guard didn't get finished because he noticed the blue dude was circling around him, eyeing him carefully, "Are you trying to undress me with your eyes?"  
  
"You would like that, wouldn't ya WOLF!!? Where do you hide your tail!?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I may be a Little Blue Riding Razzy, but I'm not stupid!! I can tell you're a wolf because you have canine teeth!" cried the possibly brain-dead blue vampire, while pointing at the guards teeth.  
  
"All humans have canines."  
  
"Then all humans must be wolves! Boy, am I smart!" Raziel pronounced proudly.  
  
"Excuse me, are you retarded?"  
  
"No I'm not WOLF! I won't let you eat my grandma!!"  
  
Then, before the guard could tell Raziel how stupid he sounded, Raziel wraith bladed the guard. The Raziel pranced around in a circle, proud of himself for saving his grandma from the big bad wolf, but then he thought of something. If Little Blue Riding Razzy was human, that meant that Little Blue Riding Razzy had canine teeth so that meant that he must be a wolf!! Raziel was now afraid that he himself would try to eat his grandma, so he stuck himself with the wraith blade and died so he went to the spectral realm.  
  
This whole time the wraith blade Raziel would give anything just to get away from this moron version of himself. And when Raziel stabbed himself, the wraith blade Raziel couldn't help but think: 'Why!!? Why do I have to get stuck with this idiot!'  
  
And while Raziel was in deep pain in the Spectral Realm, he then remembered that he is, in fact, Raziel and NOT Little Blue Riding Razzy. Now Raziel couldn't help but feel really really stupid. 'Well,' he thought to himself, 'At least I stopped him from killing any innocent grandmas!' I'd be a few hours till Raziel would realize that he didn't even have a grandma. So now Raziel resolved to find a planar portal and find out once and for all if Janos is part chicken.  
  
"And hey, if he is," Raziel decided, "then I getta eat a little chicken leg! I bet Janos' leg tastes good!"  
  
Is Janos part chicken? Will Raziel ever get over his man-prettiness? Will the wraith balde Raziel ever finally be able to get away from Raziel? Is Raziel really a brain-dead retard? How will bananas fit into all this? All this and more stupid questions will be revealed in upcoming chapters!  
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I will still be working on my other fics, but I Love Meat will probably be updated sooner than my parodies because I'm starting to have a problem making my parodies non-crappy, so wish me luck. Oh, and if there's anything else you'd like to see in the actual Soul Reaver 3 game, I'll see if I can put it in this story and make it as stupid as possible. Oh, and don't worry about mentioning Turel, I've already figured out what I'll do with him. Oh, and if you want to e-mail me for whatever reason, send it to MortalSora@aol.com. For some reason, mail can still be sent to MortalK55@aol.com even though I deleted that screen name so I won't be able to respond to MortalK55. 


	2. Chapter 1: The Second Stupidest Vampire ...

Disclaimer: I don't own LoK or its characters but I do own the really stupid plot ______________________________________________________________________  
  
Chapter 1: "The Second Stupidest Vampire Ever"  
  
Raziel blinked a few times in Material Realm. As soon as he had shifted back after killing himself, he realized something was different. He wasn't in the sanctuary of the clans anymore. Instead he was on a...beach? Raziel looked around and found sand on the ground. It was the beach all right because he remembered that once he went to the beach and jumped head- first into the ocean. That was a very bad idea. And a stupid idea. Oh well, a least he wasn't stupid enough to go skinny-dipping like his more-idiotic brother Zephon.  
  
Raziel looked into the horizon and saw someone running towards him. At first Raziel didn't recognize the person, but then Raziel recognized the person clearly. It was the person that Raziel longed for and loved more than anyone. As soon as Raziel saw this other person running towards him from the horizon, Raziel recognized the beauty. As soon as Raziel saw this beautiful angel of a person, Raziel immediately wanted the beautiful person. Raziel wanted to ravish this person, make the person happy. Raziel wanted to make out with this person, wanted to get freaky and have a relationship with this beautiful, dazzling, gorgeous person. Raziel ran to the person and they were within feet of each other and they knew they were made for each other. And it's really pathetic because this beautiful, pretty person that Raziel saw was...an exact clone of himself.  
  
Raziel ran up and embraced his clone while his clone cried from happiness because the clone had met the most man-pretty vampire in the world and Raziel himself also cried because he had found that other most man-pretty vampire in the world. Soon they were frolicking together and taking long walks on the beach together where Raziel would pick up a flower and give it to his clone and his clone would think it was so romantic and sweet. And then his clone would recite poetry and it would just wow Raziel. Raziel had found his true soul-mate. And that soul-mate was his clone. Him and his clone would hug, cuddle, and most disturbingly, they got in bed together. And stuff happened. Yes, you just read that.  
  
"Raziel, I love you!" Raziel exclaimed to his clone.  
  
"I love you too! You are my one true love!"  
  
"I don't want to be with anyone else!" Raziel cried with joy. "I love you more than anyone!"  
  
"Me too! Let's do more!"  
  
Raziel was really excited about this, but then something horrible happened. Raziel blinked. And after he blinked, he was back at the sanctuary of the clans. The whole thing with Raziel and his clone was just a dream! Then Raziel broke down on the floor and cried. It wasn't fair! He had found his soul-mate! He had found the most man-pretty and beautiful person he could ever find! And it was only a dream!  
  
As Raziel headed for the balcony, he longed for the beauty from his dream. He longed to be with his clone. It was painful for him to be without his love. He hated every moment that went by without his clone, he wanted to see his clone again. Explain to his clone that the problems of the blue dudes didn't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy Nosgoth.  
  
On the way to the balcony, Raziel couldn't help but think about how romantic the time that he shared with his one true love was. But just then, a Sarafan jumped out and threatened him. Raziel didn't notice because he was busy thinking of romantic poems to tell his true love next time he met his clone in his dreams. Finally, Raziel noticed the Sarafan when the Sarafan jammed its stick into Raziel.  
  
"Hey, you're a Sarafan! Do you know anything about love?!" Raziel pleaded to the Sarafan, hoping he could help with Raziel's romantic life with his clone.  
  
"Um, I'm just here to kill you."  
  
"Why from won window breaks? Why from ground crack'd? Why refrain'd from love?!"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about!!?"  
  
"I miss my love!! How come there's just you here? What about the other Sarafan? Where are they? And Moebius?"  
  
"I'm the only one left. Moebius went off to model for Calvin Klein underwear."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
Then after getting an extremely disturbing image in his mind he started smacking his head on the ground repeatedly trying to get the image out of his head. He even went as far as stealing soap and rubbing it in his eyes, but that just hurt so it was a stupid idea. So instead Raziel stole a walnut cracker from the Sarafan and started trying to crack his own head but that just hurt too. Raziel couldn't figure out why he kept getting hurt though.  
  
So Raziel did the only sensible thing. He stabbed himself in the eyes with chalk. Okay, so that was a totally stupid and un-sensible thing, but Raziel thought it would have been a good idea. Then Raziel thought about his true love (his clone) as modeling and he was all better again. Then he killed the Sarafan.  
  
So on Raziel went till he reached the balcony and looked down to see ice. Raziel wandered what kind of sound he'd make if he absent-belly flopped down onto the ice. Raziel thought it would make a 'SPLAT' sound, so the incredibly stupid vampire absent-belly flopped from the balcony to the ice. And worst of all it made a 'PLONK' sound. Well, after Raziel absent- belly flopped and landed, both his legs were broken. But worst of all, Raziel wasn't satisfied with the falling sound so Raziel got up, ran to the balcony and tried again. This time when Raziel leaped, he wiggled like a fish out of water and landed, broke both his arms, and made a 'PATOOIE' sound. Once again he wasn't satisfied, so he ran back up, jumped off and was making many different shapes. But this time when he landed he did make a 'SPLAT' sound and almost broke his head. And when Raziel stood up, he immediately landed. He just now noticed the pain.  
  
"Shit...take. See, I said shitake so I didn't curse! Hey, I wonder if my right leg is broken!" So Raziel took a heavy boulder and dropped it on his right leg. "OWIE!! Yep, my right leg is broken! Hey, I wonder about my left." So Raziel, the truly stupid, dropped a cow on his left leg. Guess what? It hurt. "THAT LEG HURTS TOO!"  
  
So Raziel the Stupid limped away from the ice, pleased that he didn't make a fool of himself. Then he saw the fire reaver font. He was about to be stupid again. He walked over to it and imbued his reaver with the fire font so that the reaver became a fire reaver. Raziel, bless his stupid self, thought now that his arm was on fire.  
  
Raziel then ran around in endless circles thinking that he was on fire and screaming like a little wuss. Raziel truly believed that he was on fire. So he dumped his hand in water and when he lifted his hand out, he was still on 'fire'. So Raziel ran in endless circles screaming about being on fire and also screaming about the unfairness of bovines not being able to vote. This went on for almost an hour before Raziel finally realized that he wasn't in any pain...at all. Then he felt victorious because Raziel thought that since he wasn't in pain, that he put the fire out using the power of his mind.  
  
The Wraith Blade Raziel was sick and tired of getting stuck with stupid. Raziel had been running around like a chicken with its head cut off even though Raziel wasn't in even the slightest amount of pain. And Raziel's stupid running about was getting annoying because Wraith Blade Raziel was imagining that he was watching Sanford and Son. So Wraith Blade Raziel finally got fed up with Raziel's stupidity and tried to stab Raziel in the groin, but missed. This set off another really stupid idea in Raziel's mind.  
  
When Raziel was almost stabbed in the groin, he dodged. But you must remember, Raziel is the second most stupid vampire ever, so Raziel forgot that he didn't have skin. So Raziel looked to his groin to see if he was okay, but didn't see anything but his blue self. So Raziel the Stupid came up with only one rational explanation. Someone stole his testicles in his sleep. He was furious about this. So when Raziel was on his way to the Pillars, he questioned everyone on his way. Here's an example:  
  
Raziel was walking along on that grassy path. Then he saw a Sarafan and ran up to him and lifted him by the collar.  
  
"Did you steal my testicles!?" Raziel roared. The Sarafan just looked at Raziel like Raziel was a total retard, then the Sarafan laughed himself to death. Raziel couldn't figure out why this was funny. "If you stole my testicles I'll kill you!!"  
  
So Raziel continued on, questioning everyone he found making them laugh themselves to death. Raziel was furious and couldn't figure out what was so funny. Even so, he WAS smarter than his brother Zephon.  
  
Will Raziel find out that his stupid self hasn't had skin for a while? Is Zephon more stupid than Raziel? (the answer to that one is yes) and where do bananas fit into all of this? Read on my viewers, read on!  
  
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There, another chapter in this incredibly stupid story. But by this rate, LoK: Defiance will be out before I get done with this! But all that I'm writing could happen...right? Heh, didn't think so either. 


	3. And Now For Something Completely Disturb...

Disclaimer: I don't own LoK or its characters  
  
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A/N: I don't know why I take so long to update but here's a new chapter.  
  
Chapter 2: And Now For Something Completely Disturbing...  
  
The fish that lived in the stream that led to the Pillars had always led a fairly normal life with the exception of this one big fat fish named Guacabergmerson who swallowed two and a half Dumahims, but no one cared about him. But the point is, ever since the vampires invaded, fish had become the second smartest creatures in Nosgoth cause all the vampires were incredibly stupid. I mean, come on, these vampires would play in sprinklers then die from the water. This was before the vampires figured out that water equals death. It took the vampires 60 years before they finally figured out that water made them burn. Vampires were a truly stupid race.  
  
Well, an innocent little fish that was swimming in the stream that led to the Pillars was just about to find out just how stupid these vampires are. This innocent fish was watching this blue thing walk towards the stream. The weird thing was that this blue thing had on long brown pants, a long brown buttoned-up jacket, a brown bowler hat, and has a smoking pipe glued to its upper jaw. This blue thing wearing brown clothes picked up the innocent fish, took out a magnifying glass, and looked up the innocent fishes nose. Then the blue thing threw the innocent fish back into the stream and walked away. Vampires really were an odd bunch.  
  
Inspector Razzy was on the case! Poor Raziel was still looking for his testicles and had yet to figure out he didn't even have ANY skin. But then Raziel had, what he liked to call, a "Brilliant Plan!" Raziel didn't have anyone to tell his "Brilliant Plan" (copyright) to, so he decided to pester his Wraith Blade self by telling it his plan. But as soon as Wraith Blade Raziel heard his idiotic version say the words "Brilliant Plan" (copyright) and Raziel's name in the same sentence, Wraith Blade Raziel knew to just tune out because the plan was bound to be stupid. And it was.  
  
Raziel's plan was to dress like that brilliant mastermind Sherlock Holmes, who could solve any case. Ya see, Raziel thought that if he dressed like Sherlock Holmes, that he'd gain Sherlock Holmes' intelligence. Well, Raziel did dress like Sherlock Holmes, but instead of feeling smarter, he could swear he actually felt a bit dumber instead. Yes, believe it or not, Raziel could get dumber without becoming as idiotic as his brother Zephon. More on Zephon's ignorance later. And if you're asking where Raziel would get Sherlock Holmes clothes from I'll tell you. Raziel had been walking around the path that led to the Pillars, but on his way, he stopped at an outhouse, which Raziel mistook for a banana. When he went over to the toilet, he peered in and saw that something was clogging the toilet. Then he could either choose yes to unclogging the toilet or no. For some moronic reason, he choose to. Raziel was always fascinated by toilets. How did they work? Where did the wastes go? Could you flush yourself down a toilet like a water slide? Raziel found that last one out the hard way. Anyway, once Raziel unclogged the toilet, he found that the toilet was clogged up by a Sherlock Holmes costume, which was a stroke of luck because he just happened to need one. And that was why he was walking around dressed like Sherlock Holmes and smelling of sewage.  
  
Meanwhile, Wraith Blade Raziel was just pretending that NONE of this was happening and was also hoping that Idiot Raziel's arm would get cut off so that Wraith Blade Raziel would be free of Idiot Raziel's stupidity. Sure, Wraith Blade Raziel might be killed for good if he's separated from Idiot Raziel, but that was a risk Wraith Blade Raziel was willing to take.  
  
After searching the fish's nostrils, Inspector Raziel just continued on saddened, cause he thought for sure that that's where his testicles would've been. Then Raziel saw an innocent human walking his way and Raziel rushed up to the human, punched him, took off the human's shoe, and looked in it. Nope, they're not in there.  
  
"Um, what the hell do you want?" asked the bewildered human.  
  
"I'm looking for something!" yelled the blue vampire who was about as smart as a constipated weasel.  
  
"Then look in the Lost & Found basket that's next to the doors that leads to the Pillars," offered the human.  
  
"ABSOlutely!" Raziel had forgotten all about the Lost & Found basket!  
  
"What are you looking for, anyway?" asked the human who worked for Moebius, who was currently modeling Moebius Klein underwear.  
  
"Oh, I'm just looking for my testicles. I seem to have misplaced them," Raziel casually replied, as if losing them were an everyday occurrence. Then to Raziel's dismay, the human laughed himself to death. Raziel was furious. "WHAT'S SO DAMN FUNNY!?"  
  
Then, on his way to the Lost & Found basket, Raziel found a...block. Some people say that Raziel was driven plain stupid because of the maddening effect block puzzles had on him. Others just say he's retarded. And his loving father Kain just said, in these exact words: "He's a stupid wacko." So Raziel went over to the block lifted it up, looked under, and after finding nothing, Raziel put the block back down and kicked it in rage, breaking his foot in the process. But luckily for Raziel, he was too stupid to be able to acknowledge the pain sensors. Raziel went on.  
  
After a long walk, Raziel finally reached the Lost & Found basket and he looked in it and started throwing things out, looking for his treasures. While looking through the Lost & Found basket, he found a collection of weird thing, some of which are: a cactus, a bowling pin, a sharpie, a set of twin blades, a penguin, a tire, an eaten grape vine, a DIY paradox kit (copywrong), a Great Stick, a banana peel, a donut hole, a duck costume, a COAD, a lawn-mower, a retractor, a free glucose meter among other oddities. But Raziel also found a blender. Ahh, a blender. It quite logically reminded him of a particular flashback from when Kain took the Lieutenants on a field trip to a bathroom.  
  
*Flashback Begins*  
  
Kain and his lieutenants had finally arrived at the men's bathroom! Kain had promised to take his lieutenants on an exciting and uberdy-duberdy fun field trip, so just to piss them off, he took them to a bathroom. He loved being cruel. Unfortunately, his stupidest son Zephon found a field trip to a men's bathroom quite exciting. While the lieutenants wandered around the bathroom disappointed (except Zephon who was having a fun time flushing the toilets and giggling in glee), Kain smirked at it was. It was so much FUN being mean.  
  
"This place sucks!! Kain, why did you take us to this stupid, crappy place! You suck!!" yelled Dumah to Kain.  
  
Kain retorted by saying, "Don't you dare say that to me, Raziel!! Don't you dare say I suck, Raziel!! Raziel, you are grounded for being rude!"  
  
Raziel just stared at Kain, fuming. Kain always blamed everything on Raziel cause he thought Raziel was a goody-two shoes. Dumah broke the silence, "Wow, I'm having fun on this vacation now! Hehehehehe!"  
  
Just then Zephon rushed out of one of the bathrooms and was jump up and down excited like a puppy who had just seen their owners that had been gone for a week. Zephon was jumping up and down excited, pointing to a pack of unused, unopened condoms. "Looky, looky!" Zephon exclaimed, "It's some balloons!!"  
  
The lieutenants and Kain were just staring at Zephon's innocent ignorance, slack-jawed. Sure, they knew Zephon was an idiot, but this was just sad. Kain told the other lieutenants that their next field trip was to a mental institution. But Dumah did brake the silence, taking advantage of Zephon's ignorance. "Hey, see if you can fit the balloon on your head!"  
  
*Flashback Ends*  
  
Ahh, memories. Now I know you're wondering "How the hell does a blender logically remind Raziel of that trip?" Well, there is no way it's logical, but Raziel thought it was logical so we all know it won't make any sense. Raziel also found a backpack in the Lost & Found basket and put the blender in it, as well as the cactus, the bowling pin, the set of twin blades, the penguin, the DIY paradox kit (copywrong), the retractor, the free glucose meter, and a pair of tweezers that he found.  
  
Raziel went through the doors and went to the base of the Pillars are found, what he liked to call, a not-a-Kain. Raziel looked down to the person's legs and they were long, clean-shaves, smooth and silky, definitely a woman's legs. They were the most beautiful pair of legs he had ever seen. He looked up from the woman's legs and saw a plaid skirt that went barely past the waist, so Raziel wasn't able to tell if there was anything under the dress. Then Raziel looked up further and got the shock of his life, so shocking that he almost had a missing-heart attack. The thing he was looking at wasn't a woman. The thing he was looking at had a pink, sleeveless sweat shirt, just like the type that Richard Simmons wore. Then when Raziel looked at the face, he was horrified. It WAS Kain!!  
  
"I THOUGHT YOUR LEGS WERE SEXY!! EWW!! I FELL DIRTY!!"  
  
Raziel was horrified looking at Kain who had legs that looked like they belong to the sexiest woman in the world, a really short skirt which Raziel now hoped had something underneath, had a Richard Simmons shirt, and this all belonged to Kain.  
  
"Like me new look?" asked a pleading Kain.  
  
Raziel done the only thing he could've done. He screamed and then screamed and then screamed one more 'gain at Kain's appearance, then he ran to a corner, curled into a ball, and shifted realms. So then, while in Spectral Realm, Raziel took the penguin out of his backpack and squeezed it for comfort. Well, at least Kain didn't look as disturbing as Zephon did when he dressed as Tarzan...  
  
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Yes, I updated! I know you're thinking 'About damn time!' Well, sorry. It took me FOREVER to finally come up with a way to begin this chapter. I ended up coming up with ideas spontaneously (which is the way most a my ideas come up). So don't worry, I won't abandon this fic. It's just updates may take a while because my best ideas come up spontaneously. Well, hope you enjoyed this fic and the next chapter will be out: when it's done! Don't forget to review! 


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